(A lot of mistakes)

I have always pride myself (first mistake) in being a commitment kind of girl. I go into a relationship when I feel (second mistake) like I am ready, when I feel like I can take care of this person. I think (third mistake) I know how to manage my emotions well and be conservative in handling conflict. When I make the decision to be with somebody, I am always thinking about how it can grow into a future (fourth mistake). Yes, I am a to-marry kind of girl. (fifth mistake) Heck, that's how I rationalize my decision to be with somebody (sixth mistake), I would look at you and be like, you're cute and you smell really nice but are you as intelligent as I think you are, in ten years, in front of my triplets?

You are either a friend, a person I am dating or a person I am a relationship with.

Friend: Your hair is ugly.
Translation: Your hair is ugly, and I can say this cause you and I are close.

A person I am dating. Your hair is ugly.
Translation: Your hair is ugly :) and no, I don't mind accompanying to the saloon cause I like you quite a lot, and I want to spend time with you.

A person I am a relationship with: Your hair is ugly
Translation. Your hair is ugly. Sayang.

The scariest thing about commitment is that it is permanent. At least for me. If I say I want to commit to you, our relationship, know that I would not leave even if we argue for days. I will always try to make it up or solve it, maybe not in the best way, but the idea is, I will try for you because I made up my mind on that day I said yes to us.

I have been in love twice in my life. I have dated a handful of people. I have been dumped and dumped somebody.

So what do I really know about this, commitment, relationship, dating thing?

All I know is.. I do not know what I want.
But the nice thing about this is, I do not have to. Life secrets are all in the cliches.

I will fall in love. I will be happy with this person, not all the time, but we can make that work. I will commit to a person so hard that his entire existence will become a major part of my life. I will be content, Yep, content with my decision.

But for now, I will continue to write as a single person and rant my frustrations as a single person.

-Farah

Friend$ter

Have you ever cyber stalked someone and imagine how they would be in real life?

Back when Friendster was the thing, I never felt like anyone was pretending to be someone else. Of all the friends I had, they were exactly how they presented themselves virtually and in real life. 

Is that a good thing? That we humans had evolved into this generation of liars, portraying an image of such and living as an another?

Or maybe,

The person we portray online is really who we are, its just.. another side of us. 

I am all about non-fiction books and there was one book I read that discussed the human mind. Did you know that the brain, divided into the left and the right, each has a mind of its own? The right brain is supposedly the artsy, poetic, imaginary side of us while the left is more of the serious, logical, rational side. We (Read: I) spent hours taking online quizzes to know whether we are more of a left brain-er or the other. Simply put, we are both, nonetheless. However, here's the best part, regardless how dominant our right brain is, our left brain acts as a gatekeeper. He (She? It??) makes all the decisions at the end of the day. All of our "consciousness" is a product of the left brain's decision making. So, as jarring as it is, we kind of have two living consciousness in our brain, albeit which is more dominant. Two different entities. Two different things.. humans.. person.. brains.. thinking.. matters.. things. 

So where was I?

Ah, so to answer my own question. 

Yes, and yes. Some people are assholes both as they presented themselves online and in real life. Most of the people I know are lovely. 

I hope I presented myself well on both worlds. Maybe I'm a lil cooler online, if I may say so myself.

-Farah